4 Ladies Who Should Team Up for Lady Marmalade 2.0

LaBelle: The Original Lady Marmalade DivaRecently I posted my thoughts on how the lure of innocent ladies is critical to drive the appeal of Lady Marmalade’s suggestive message.

Today, we’ll take a look at another all-star combination which could fit into the hooker boots and bring the Moulin Rouge soundtrack to another level.

Any attempt to repeat the old burlesque formula would be futile. At best, they’d be regarded as a competent rendition, but completely pale in comparison to the 2001 version. If I get a chance to produce my dream collaboration, I’ll revamp the concept and pitch it somewhere between indie-pop and Top 40 radio.

Hey, whoever said that indie chicks aren’t naughty?

We’re talking about independent women who (mostly) control their own careers. And that’s the thrill, because when they come together to sing “voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?” you know it’s not the corporate handlers pulling puppetries. It’s the ladies who are in control.

Here are my four chicks:

Verse 1: Lana Del Rey

I can’t think of anyone else who would make a grander entrance. Dramatic James Bond-worthy arrangement, deep contralto voice which would make a stark difference from whatever song that came before it on the radio, and most importantly, that undeniable Nancy-Sinatra-meets-Britney-Spears persona that oozes Lolita appeal. Plus, she can sneak in a line about Pepsi Cola somewhere.

Verse 2: Marina Diamandis

Marina’s musical tourism is befuddling. She claims that she’s criticizing pop culture, but she shamelessly embrace Dr. Luke‘s production with so much aural pleasure that it makes you question whether she’s secretly craving to be the pop stars she’s mocking. Imagine the layers of interpretation that she could bring to Lady Marmalade, stabbing right at the age-old feminism debate: Does prostitution mean submitting to women objectification, or does it translate to sexual liberation against society’s oppressive view of femininity?

Rapped Verse: Azealia Banks

Self-proclaimed “c*nt queen” who spits out poisonous words at rapid-fire speed and mixes it with 100% sass. Her lyrics are sexually charged but she has yet to use her body to sell music, sort of like pre-Barbie Nicki Minaj. I’m sure she has some killer verses stacked in her bag—verses that would easily rival Lil Kim‘s best.

Bridge: Lady Gaga

OK, so Gaga is not exactly indie. Then again, Lady Marmalade 2001 also broke the rule by enlisting the already-famous Christina Aguilera. In that respect, Gaga mirrors Xtina. She’s the primadonna who will attract the masses’ attention, and with her penchant for spectacles, she may actually have a chance to out-classic the 2001 music video. She’s the one who will belt all the G5s so that we all can happily karaoke along to this rendition. If we have to pick someone famous, she’s the only logical choice among the current crop of divas whose propensity to transform pop into art is comparable to Lana, Marina and Azealia.

Agree or disagree?

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